Today I'm...


Disgusted with myself for being to co-dependant and needy.
For seeing stupid chick flicks and getting myself upset.
For thinking no one will ever love me except for the fucking 45 year old man.
Cool huh?
And every thought of him makes me queezy. Every time I find something of his or that belongs to him I actually want to throw up and give myself to a hazmat team to clean. I hate it.
And i don't want to live with regrets but even writing this I has a sneer on my face.
And I can't stand it.
And I'm over him and wondering if I made the right choice.
Because I did.

But it makes me sad that no one will love me the way he did.
And really I'm not looking for marriage. I'm not looking for commitment.
I was just kind of hoping that I could find just one person without baggage.

Just one person that actually wanted me.
Not my 19 year old body.
Not my bubbly personality.
Not my existance to help them get over someone else.

I just want someone to want me.

I guess I'm just in one of those moods again.
<3