try not to screw this up again

I'm really starting to think that I'm not stable. It's five in the morning, Dan has just gone home after not talking to be for the past three hours and what am I doing? I'm drinking a beer. I'm crying my eyes out and my body is shaking from the cold and from sobbing.
I don't think that I am healthy. I really think I need help, so this is my admission take it or leave it. I feel like a piece of shit, I feel broken and beaten. I feel like I just want a little love in my life, because it hurts feeling to god damn lonely.
I don't want to sleep because there is no one in the house and because I feel so broken. I want god back in my life, I don't know who abandoned who but I really want serenity in my life.

Maybe I'm just not supposed to be happy. Maybe I'm not healthy enough to be in a relationship. Maybe I'm just a fucking phony. I think I need to go somewhere no one knows me, start over, and come clean. Because these secrets are ripping me apart and I can't tell anyone because they are so set in stone, so many believe them to be my life. My LIFE. But it's all a lie. And it's too late now.

All that I do, comes back to you
So I'll just think about you 'til there's nothing in my head
All I can do, is try not to screw this up again
And just be friends, I'd rather be dead.