Breath

I'm happy to say that life is back to the way it is supposed to be and that I am breathing again.

Last week was really tough and I don't know if the fact that my brother is "on vacation" has really hit me yet; the goodbye was kind of abrupt: a hug and a kiss and then he was walking away. I guess I just figured he was coming back for a few more minutes or something. But he was just gone. The abruptness is really still kind of shocking but I understand having things to do and not wanting to stick around for a twenty minute sob fest.

But today I went back to work for a double shift and it was really actually nice just to be back in my stride at work of kissing peoples asses, bull shitting with my co-workers and just doing anything to keep myself busy and pass the time as quickly as possible.

Having breakfast and spending time with the boy after work helped to bring normalacy back a lot as well. I really missed that kid. Man. Whatever.

OK so I quit smoking and biting my nails about a month ago now. Now it's on to step two-losing some weight and getting into better shape. I wish it wasn't getting so cold out running in the cold is the worst. My reason for this is because I feel like if I keep doing nice things for myself ie: treating my body better I might start feeling better about myself.

Because I'm super tired of being forgotten, letting myself get put down, and hating myself. I want to be someone worth being, and worth being proud of.

That's all for now I'm too tired to write anymore.

Love.