He might be a bit of a creeper but the message in this song is amazing. I wish helping others and bringing peace to the world was as easy as letting this song affect you. Peace.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
capture the moment
I have always been the kind of person that just sits back and watches things happen. I don't mean I don't take action when I feel like I should; I mean I like to observe and try to understand a hidden meaning. I like to capture a moment of time in the clearest of details to recall at my leisure. In fact what I picture as my "happy" place is really just an image of a flower. It's very simple but it brings me peace.
Sometimes when I'm out on my own I will see something like a scene in nature, or a moment shared between two people and I take a snapshot of it in my mind. I almost feel as if I am stumbling upon some secret of the universe and I want to capture the moment and share it with others.
Now, I'm not going to go around taking snapshots of people in their daily lives because that's, well, creepy. But I do think I am seriously going to get into photography and learn how to capture the scene as I see. I want to learn how to manipulate images to just the right detail or leave them naked as they are so that maybe I can let someone else in on a little secret of the universe.
So if anyone has any advice on a camera or book/instructional that would help me let me know.
love.
Someone else's moment.
Sometimes when I'm out on my own I will see something like a scene in nature, or a moment shared between two people and I take a snapshot of it in my mind. I almost feel as if I am stumbling upon some secret of the universe and I want to capture the moment and share it with others.
Now, I'm not going to go around taking snapshots of people in their daily lives because that's, well, creepy. But I do think I am seriously going to get into photography and learn how to capture the scene as I see. I want to learn how to manipulate images to just the right detail or leave them naked as they are so that maybe I can let someone else in on a little secret of the universe.
So if anyone has any advice on a camera or book/instructional that would help me let me know.
love.
Someone else's moment.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
If you click here you'll be taken to a site with over fifty pictures that show a moment in time in the lives of a hundred different people over the world. There are no comments by any of the pictures in fact anything on the page is written in some completely different language but the lack of words allowed me to just see, understand and feel the many different emotions associated with any single one of these pictures.
It's a site like this where images of human suffering are so casually displayed that makes me reevaluate things in my life; reevaluate the things I take for granted like food, clean water, health care. Things given to me so freely that it is easy to forget how many people suffer. This is a break down of what the world would look like if the 6 Billion people on the earth were reduced to a mere 100 people. I know when I hear random facts and figures I can't really grasp what such a big number is, like 6 billion. It's a big number yeah, but I've never seen or counted or done 6 billion of anything; but 100, yeah I've done a hundred of a lot of things-held the door for someone, hurt someones feelings, been ungrateful, put a smile on someones face. One hundred isn't such a big number and to put things in that perspective is scary!
It makes me wish people were just nicer. Hell, it makes me wish I was nicer. At least I can do one of those two things.
It's a site like this where images of human suffering are so casually displayed that makes me reevaluate things in my life; reevaluate the things I take for granted like food, clean water, health care. Things given to me so freely that it is easy to forget how many people suffer. This is a break down of what the world would look like if the 6 Billion people on the earth were reduced to a mere 100 people. I know when I hear random facts and figures I can't really grasp what such a big number is, like 6 billion. It's a big number yeah, but I've never seen or counted or done 6 billion of anything; but 100, yeah I've done a hundred of a lot of things-held the door for someone, hurt someones feelings, been ungrateful, put a smile on someones face. One hundred isn't such a big number and to put things in that perspective is scary!
It makes me wish people were just nicer. Hell, it makes me wish I was nicer. At least I can do one of those two things.
This secret we keep.
I was messing around with Google about a week ago and I happened to come across a reference to "Would you text your secret to a stranger?" I decided to search for that specifically and it ended up leading me to the MySpace of Frank Warren, the creator of post secret. While I was reading through his MySpace blog I was thinking about my dirty little secret-one that has been eating me up inside for years. (I'm not going to tell you what it is, because then it wouldn't really be a secret huh?) I started thinking about how freeing it would be to just tell a complete stranger.
So I told one, then two, and pretty soon I had texted about ten different people! I was absolutely intoxicated with getting this off my chest! It was great, some people sent back their own secret and others sent back words of encouragement.
But one person sent back, "wow."
Because of my own fear and stress of what people, especially my friends, would think of me if my secret got out that "wow" reaffirmed my belief that I never want to tell anyone other than a stranger my secret.
It's one thing to tell a stranger who doesn't know how big of a lie it is, but it's another to tell your family and friends because I am pretty sure it would not be something that anyone could just say "ok" to and move on. So I suppose it is going to stay my secret. Oh well.
So I told one, then two, and pretty soon I had texted about ten different people! I was absolutely intoxicated with getting this off my chest! It was great, some people sent back their own secret and others sent back words of encouragement.
But one person sent back, "wow."
Because of my own fear and stress of what people, especially my friends, would think of me if my secret got out that "wow" reaffirmed my belief that I never want to tell anyone other than a stranger my secret.
It's one thing to tell a stranger who doesn't know how big of a lie it is, but it's another to tell your family and friends because I am pretty sure it would not be something that anyone could just say "ok" to and move on. So I suppose it is going to stay my secret. Oh well.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Dragging my feet to slow the circle down
This summer has been rough in a few ways, the children, the money, school and moving out have been taking a toll on my mind. It seems that children just aren't wha they use to be, every week I end up with a handfull of seriously nasty children and I can't help but think that parents really need to take a test before they go ahead and start making babies. Some of these children are just mean- they go out of their way to hurt others, physically and emotionally. They scare other children and just really seem to have some complex about being better than everyone else. And then you get the kids whose parents have them so drugged up on unnecessary adhd medicine that they walk around like zombies all day long. And it's a shame because these mean and messed up kids completely overshadow the nice, genuine kids that are really just a pleasure to have around. These mean kids make me think "birth control." Seriously.
I've been having a lot of car problems and by the end of today will have put over 800 dollars into my car in two weeks! It wouldn't seem so bad if I was still waitressing and bartending, 800 dollars is nothing then. But that is more than an entire two weeks salary at camp. I can't help but regret my decision to return to camp this year. I just can't afford living right now.
And I'm stressed out because right now I should be in Long Island looking for apartments but instead I'm sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for my car to be done. It's just frustrating. Almost as frustrating as the whole school situation that got all fucked up and now I'm in a standstill waiting to see what is happening.
Camp isn't so horrible apart from the money aspect but it's like being on a permanent weekend when all the businesses are closed and you can't get anything done. It's near impossible to figure anything out when you are stuck in the middle of the woods.
But most of all I'm stressed because my heart is breaking for everyone around me. My best friends-who I guess I thought were too strong to let anything knock them down-seem to be breaking, and my heart is breaking with them. I feel like such an ass because all I can do is make a bad joke to get a little smile out of them. I use to be so good at giving advice and helping to find a solution but I feel like I'm tugging on a rope that isn't anchored to anything and I'm just falling. I just wish I could help them the way that they have always helped me, it makes me sad that I can't.
I don't know what else to say..
peace.
I've been having a lot of car problems and by the end of today will have put over 800 dollars into my car in two weeks! It wouldn't seem so bad if I was still waitressing and bartending, 800 dollars is nothing then. But that is more than an entire two weeks salary at camp. I can't help but regret my decision to return to camp this year. I just can't afford living right now.
And I'm stressed out because right now I should be in Long Island looking for apartments but instead I'm sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for my car to be done. It's just frustrating. Almost as frustrating as the whole school situation that got all fucked up and now I'm in a standstill waiting to see what is happening.
Camp isn't so horrible apart from the money aspect but it's like being on a permanent weekend when all the businesses are closed and you can't get anything done. It's near impossible to figure anything out when you are stuck in the middle of the woods.
But most of all I'm stressed because my heart is breaking for everyone around me. My best friends-who I guess I thought were too strong to let anything knock them down-seem to be breaking, and my heart is breaking with them. I feel like such an ass because all I can do is make a bad joke to get a little smile out of them. I use to be so good at giving advice and helping to find a solution but I feel like I'm tugging on a rope that isn't anchored to anything and I'm just falling. I just wish I could help them the way that they have always helped me, it makes me sad that I can't.
I don't know what else to say..
peace.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
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