Alright so time for an update.

So I decided to go to a meeting tonight and it was hard. Like very painful for me and very confusing. I got to the meeting and announced that I was "coming back" and got a lot of hugs from all of my friends which was nice. I shared about how I just wasn't so sure anymore if this was right for me. I felt so uncomfortable like, on the verge of a panic attack because you see, this meeting is my home group but it is also Ted's home group so I basically spent the whole time looking over my shoulder everytime someone opened the door. I also felt vey uncomfortable because Mike, who is Ted's best friend, and who has always been friendly towards me, didn't even look at me, let alone talk to me. It was very awkward and I felt like a stupid little kid who was doing something wrong. So I guess basically I don't know if I'm going to be going back tomorrow or next monday. This is something I feel unsure of about because like I said, I don't know if this is really what I need, and I'd rather work out my misery and keep drinking than go back to what I know and just be paranoid and end up being the cause of drama when I do see Ted again. I really wish I could just talk to him and see how he was doing. I miss my best friend you know?

But on a lighter note my weekend was great. I spent some quality time with my dad and the deleware river for an overnight. We stopped along the way at tri-state monument somewhere a little past Milford beach I think. It's the one place where New York, Pennsylvania and New Jersey all meet. So yeah basically I was in three places at once.

so here's me at tri state monument.. attractive huh?

Later that night my dad and I just hung out. I took a nap because the river sucks all my energy right out of me. But I woke up to a thunderstorm and it was POURING! But we still made dinner. IN A DUTCH OVEN! And it was probably the best stew I ever had. See CLHH taught me something alright.

Me and my dad with our kick-ass tripod for our dutch oven. I took like two hours to cook but it was AMAZING!

So I got home and blah-de-blah-blah and I'm just astounded with the drama that still infilrates my life even though I'm 19 and so very done with highschool.

Alright, I guess one more area to talk about because it's important to me at least. I'm kind of afraid that I might just be becoming a little tramp. Haha no joke! So an ex of mine, from like two years ago, and I have been talking and we are going to hang out on Thursday. I asked what are we going to do and he said 'naughty things.' Now I asked all the right questions like 'am i just a piece of ass.' and he said no, but really other than that I don't really have any reserves about screwing him and then the next day having my 'doctor friend' up for a visit and having you know... a physical. :) does this make me a tramp? Oh man I don't even know... I don't think I'm getting myself into any bad situations but I don't know if I'm going down a path I'm not sure I want to go down.

I guess we'll see where it goes.

Anyway. I need to get to sleep. It's great to have Mondays off but that means I need to wake up and go to class on Tuesday so I'd better get to bed because I'm fading fast.

lots of love.

always.

meg.