I don't know where to start I feel like I'm just spiraling downward, being sucked back into that black hole that I finally escaped back in senior year. It's like all that I have is just not enough. I have a nice apartment that i can afford, a job and I have an education that I'm heading back to tomorrow. I have friends that I can call to chat about anything and a family that loves me. But it's just not enough. It's like when you are on a steep hill in the snow and you just keep sliding down not gaining any ground, not moving in the right direction-and these people and things in my life are like branches I can grab onto to keep from slipping. But the branches always break or get up-rooted and I just fall down again.

My days are consumed with dreams of forgetting everything, hiding myself, and losing myself. Awful awful thoughts just consume me and it literally feels like I am stuck in a black hole that's just closing in getting tighter and smaller and more suffocating every morning I wake up.

It is the worst feeling. I feel so helpless, powerless, defeated. I just hate it. I hate everything and I don't want to do it anymore. I want to sleep and not wake up and just have peace again.