Can we just talk about my night?

I'm not saying that the sun shines out my ass or that I am the greatest waitress that ever lived but I generally try to make it a rule that I greet every table like an old friend that I've been dying to see and I keep that vibe up throughout their meal. But sometimes it just isn't enough.

The dinner shift started at six o'clock for me, a little busy because we were raising money for a group called the eleventh hour rescue. Good business for me good deed for a good cause. As dinner slows down the restaurant empties out minus the bar. My station tonight was above the bar and people get confused and think they are one in the same so I come out to my tables to see three guys there hanging out with full drinks that they've already paid for at the bar. It happens all the time but it always irks me. These tables are my section my business and my money, if you want drinks from the bar hang out at the bar. I head over to introduce myself and let the guys know that if they need anything I'll be hanging around and happy to help.

Then the "snapping" begins and man do I love that snapping. (Do I look like a dog?) "When you have a minute" they say. So I greet another table and head on over to them and they are just cracking up. "Take a whiff of this guys fart and can you bring us two more beers."

What? Take a whiff of his fart?

This stink was toxic. I mean eyes watering, taking a step back and trying not to cough. I nod and give a little smile and back off to get their drinks and hopefully let the stench dissipate a bit. I come back with their drinks and they are still laughing, the guy let another one go! I just couldn't believe it. And they are trying to get me to hang around so I can smell it. Fuck that.

I'm totally turned off by these guys now. I'm not a guy, I'm not your buddy and you guys are like forty plus. I was perfectly polite the rest of the night but believe me they were not people I waited all day to see. So the snapping continues for a few hours along with me just being polite until finally they want the bill. Thank god.

Ten minutes later the boys decide that they want bloody mary's. Hot. With Worcestershire (Sorry we don't have that) horseradish (sorry we don't have that either) Tabasco (sorry..) How do you not have tabasco?? (I'm sorry, haha, they don't consult me when they get rid of things like that *joking*)

Enter the 180 turn around.

"Don't give me that attitude! Fuck you, fuck this place, I'm from Indiana. Everyone here is so damn rude!"

What? Boss man we have a problem.

So my boss heads over to the table to try and talk to these guys down and they flip out on him. He told them they could leave whenever they were ready and that he would see them to the door personally.

That was an awesome tip.

So that was the start of a night that ended with a girl, who all I had said to was "Hi my name is Megan," telling me all about how she broke up with her boyfriend yesterday and saw him with a new girl today-that conversation went on for ten minutes. Finished by a 37ish year old man out of town on business looking for insight on why his wife dresses to impress while he is out of town.

Do I have psychologist written on my face? Is it a full moon?

Tonight was the most ridiculous night in a long time, I'm glad it's over.