Hurt..

So most people who read this know what kind of meetings I spent most of my nights in for about two years up until a year ago. You know how important they were to me and how they molded me into the person I am today. When I was there I met a lot of great people that really touched my life. These people showed me what strength was, what it meant to suffer and overcome. These people were my family and I will love them forever.

Today I ran into one of my favorite people. We’ll call him D. D was a constant in my recovery he was always around, always had a smile, would listen to me whenever I needed someone and once told me that if I stayed clean in a few years, when I was looking for a teaching job he’d be happy to help me out. I’ll tell you that that really meant a lot to me-to hear someone having faith in my abilities to be a successful productive member of society.

But so I saw him today and I was so happy! I was so excited that I saw D one of my most favorite people ever! And he said hi and I said hi and I got up to give him a hug, not realizing he was walking away and then I realized he was leaving and he realized I was standing and stopped to look at me and I was already sitting down and it was so awkward! So I said “oh I was just going to get up and give you … but it’s fine I’ll see you around.” He responded with “I would but I’m just running late.” Maybe I imagined it but just the way he said it made me feel like he was just saying it. That kind of hurt and I nearly cried, in the middle of star.bucks with one of my best friends while I was on the phone with my boyfriend and oh I don’t know..

I just felt hurt that someone I looked up to so much would write me off that quickly because I don’t go to meetings anymore=I must be getting high=I’m not worth it. And it just hurt.

I don’t need that place to be a part of my life any longer. I don’t need the insanity that those rooms brought to my life. I have found a balance in my life plus alcohol minus drugs; it’s a balance that I have worked hard for, brings me happiness and I am satisfied with. But I miss the people that became my family, and it hurts when your family rejects you.



(ps...dan's awesome)