I wonder, quite often, how different my life would have been if I had been more outgoing or had friends in high school, you know-if I had been popular. I wonder if maybe I’d have 700 pictures on facebook from all the times my friends wanted to snap a picture of us; I wonder if I’d be prettier, skinnier, more capable. I’m not deluded I know having crazy outgoing friends or playing a sport or having all those pictures on facebook doesn’t guarantee happiness or good looks. I know that it is just silly to think that the popular life is blessed with shitting gold. But I’ve always felt left out.
I look at my roommate and her friend and they are just so involved with life playing sports and goofing around with their friends and I feel old. I feel out of place on my whole floor, I feel like some one is looking over my shoulder and watching me the whole time. Not like the paranoid someone is coming to get me but I guess I don’t know how to explain it. I feel like some kind of idiot weirdo because I just follow my 18 year old roommate around. She’s cool but definitely just out of high school if you know what I mean. I just feel like I should be able to take care of myself. I really really need to start working so that I can make some friends that are like me.
I understand that view point is crazy and that I one, can’t expect to know where everything or anything is in this brand new state and two that you can never tell just what someone is going through by how they act but some part of me still can’t helping wishing I was a little bit more like them and a little bit less like me. I guess I’m really just a little more than miserable living in this dorm room. I will never live on campus again it depresses me already.
ugh.
2 comments:
so, i can honestly say i know how you feel. it was SO hard living on an entire floor of 17//18 year olds. i felt like a loser, and had no friends..i felt like i didn't fit in at all and i kept being like, WHAT AM I DOING HERE?! but things get better....granted me and my roommate did not get along, which made life interesting, it did get better...once classes get going you will meet people..and once you start working. but get involved in stuff on campus too.. i know i am sure you've heard that, but it really really helped me to have a better time. love you. call me if you need anything.!! xox
Give living on campus a chance, you've only been there a few days! I know it must be weird to have a roomie that is so much younger than you, but I'm sure that you'll find that you have something in common... you guys could go on little adventures... like going to the 24 hr. grocery store (or walmart) and get some ice cream at midnight... you could watch a movie one night and make popcorn... I think you will get used to living on campus. And if it's not for you, it's not for you - but you'll only get out of the experience what you put into it. I can bet you that there's probably at least 10 other people in your dorm who feel the same way you do- and maybe they're lonely or bored or their roommate was born in 1990 or 1991 and they feel too old to hang out with them.
I challenge you to be outgoing during this next week- not that you're not already outgoing. But, if you see someone who lives on your hall a few times a day, say hi and ask their name. Think of a random question to ask them to start up a conversation ("Do you have a highlighter I could borrow?" or something random like that.) There has to be some older people somewhere on your campus- so find them!
You're not a miserable person - you're hilarious, kind, and a general fun person to be around.
Also- I know you'll be pretty busy with work, but maybe you can find an organization to get involved with? Relay for Life is always a good one, or maybe there is a club for your major (which always looks good on resumes).
Either way, I know you can do it, and I'm so proud of you already for being so brave and living on campus all by yourself, going to a brand new school, etc. :)
Love & Miss you, and of course, call me anytime.
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