Tuesday, November 17, 2009

No matter where you go you take yourself with you.

It's a hard concept, no matter where you go you take yourself with you. I feel like I've been running for the past couple years. Running from bad decisions, lost memories, terrible relationship after terrible relationship, my thoughts, my actions-whatever else. I've been running; each time I stopped for a breath a new place I felt energized and ready to start something new. Each time life and my relationships started solid and people thought I was great and people wanted to chill with me and get to know me. But just like after a run, every single time I got tired and worn down. When you're running you don't think. When you're running you just go, left right left right in out in out: pace yourself. When you stop running and the energy wears off for the day everything has time to catch up to you and take it's toll on you because you're too tired to fight back and it yells at you for trying to get away and you can't escape again until you run again.

Every time I've stopped running life has caught up to me. It sees me for who I am regardless of the color I dye my hair, or piercings, or tattoos, or diets, friends, habits, fads....
No matter where you go you take yourself with you. Even I can't escape that.

3 comments:

NoDayButToday said...

I think you may be looking at it all wrong. I think life and who you are doesn't have to be something you run from. It can be something you embrace. It can be something you can take by the hand and make your own. You can make it anything you want it to be, you just have to know that you're capable. The good part is when you forget, you have some pretty great friends to remind you! Remember we all come into this world as many people, yet we leave as one (paraphrased from an NCIS episode). Personally I like the person you are, and I'm positive I'm not alone. So stop running, if you try to escape life too long you just might miss it. Wishing you the best and all the love in the world....

Kristen said...

escaping ourselves is the hardest, most impossible thing to do. i feel like sometimes we think we've finally done it and then BAM it catches up to us and wears us out and makes us think too hard. don't run too fast though, you might miss something...

love you.

elaina said...

Maybe there is a reason we can't escape ourselves. Maybe the only way to do it is to get to that place where you feel you don't need to..But even if you want to run away from you who really are, just remember that I love you because of who I know you to be. (and i like to think i know you pretty well). So keep running, I think has done some good things for you physically and emotionally. and maybe soon I can come home and run with you.
love you.