I had a bit of a panic attack today as I was cleaning my room, generally I find it theraputic to throw stuff out-my room is so tiny that, occasionally, I start to get overwhelmed and feel trapped with the amount of crap in it so today was cleaning day and I just chucked a whole bunch of stuff. I moved on from my shelves to my closet and began the even harder undertaking of choosing what was worth it to keep and what was just sentimental crap that I needed to get rid of to move on and that's when I found the box. Ted's box. Filled with cards and a teddy bear and jewelery and watch that I gave him for his birthday that he gave back to me, through a friend, after we broke up. Well I taped that box up nicely with duct tape, put it to the side for burning later, and tried to figure out what to do with the watch, I decided to take a hammer to it and about five minutes ago you could find me (as my curious neighbors did) banging the shit out of that hundred and sixty dollar watch with a metal hammer over the sewar grate in the parking lot of my complex.
It was great, theraputic, a moment of growth! Pictures were taken and the moment was shared!
And then I broke down, freaked out, took a valium and hid in my room. Literally hid, behind my bed where no one could find me pulled up blogger and now here I am just waiting for the drugs to kick in before I have to go to work, pretend that I'm fine and, pretend that I care. When today I would rather curl up in a ball and hide from the world and pretend like I don't exist, pretend like the world doesn't exist.
I guess these past few weeks have just been stressful, tiring, full of unpleasant surprises; I guess that box was just the last straw that sent me over the edge.
I just really wish I didn't need to face the world today.
-meg.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I found this through stumble today and it broke my heart in a nice way. It's just a silly little story but it made my day.
Puppies for Sale
A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies For Sale."
Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign. "How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.
The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."
The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"
The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur.
One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"
The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame.
The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."
The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."
The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."
The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."
To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!"
We ALL need someone who Understands!
and this was just funny. enjoy!
Puppies for Sale
A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies For Sale."
Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign. "How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.
The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."
The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"
The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur.
One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"
The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame.
The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."
The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."
The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."
The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."
To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!"
We ALL need someone who Understands!
and this was just funny. enjoy!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
for you and for me
He might be a bit of a creeper but the message in this song is amazing. I wish helping others and bringing peace to the world was as easy as letting this song affect you. Peace.
Monday, September 29, 2008
capture the moment
I have always been the kind of person that just sits back and watches things happen. I don't mean I don't take action when I feel like I should; I mean I like to observe and try to understand a hidden meaning. I like to capture a moment of time in the clearest of details to recall at my leisure. In fact what I picture as my "happy" place is really just an image of a flower. It's very simple but it brings me peace.
Sometimes when I'm out on my own I will see something like a scene in nature, or a moment shared between two people and I take a snapshot of it in my mind. I almost feel as if I am stumbling upon some secret of the universe and I want to capture the moment and share it with others.
Now, I'm not going to go around taking snapshots of people in their daily lives because that's, well, creepy. But I do think I am seriously going to get into photography and learn how to capture the scene as I see. I want to learn how to manipulate images to just the right detail or leave them naked as they are so that maybe I can let someone else in on a little secret of the universe.
So if anyone has any advice on a camera or book/instructional that would help me let me know.
love.
Someone else's moment.
Sometimes when I'm out on my own I will see something like a scene in nature, or a moment shared between two people and I take a snapshot of it in my mind. I almost feel as if I am stumbling upon some secret of the universe and I want to capture the moment and share it with others.
Now, I'm not going to go around taking snapshots of people in their daily lives because that's, well, creepy. But I do think I am seriously going to get into photography and learn how to capture the scene as I see. I want to learn how to manipulate images to just the right detail or leave them naked as they are so that maybe I can let someone else in on a little secret of the universe.
So if anyone has any advice on a camera or book/instructional that would help me let me know.
love.
Someone else's moment.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
If you click here you'll be taken to a site with over fifty pictures that show a moment in time in the lives of a hundred different people over the world. There are no comments by any of the pictures in fact anything on the page is written in some completely different language but the lack of words allowed me to just see, understand and feel the many different emotions associated with any single one of these pictures.
It's a site like this where images of human suffering are so casually displayed that makes me reevaluate things in my life; reevaluate the things I take for granted like food, clean water, health care. Things given to me so freely that it is easy to forget how many people suffer. This is a break down of what the world would look like if the 6 Billion people on the earth were reduced to a mere 100 people. I know when I hear random facts and figures I can't really grasp what such a big number is, like 6 billion. It's a big number yeah, but I've never seen or counted or done 6 billion of anything; but 100, yeah I've done a hundred of a lot of things-held the door for someone, hurt someones feelings, been ungrateful, put a smile on someones face. One hundred isn't such a big number and to put things in that perspective is scary!
It makes me wish people were just nicer. Hell, it makes me wish I was nicer. At least I can do one of those two things.
It's a site like this where images of human suffering are so casually displayed that makes me reevaluate things in my life; reevaluate the things I take for granted like food, clean water, health care. Things given to me so freely that it is easy to forget how many people suffer. This is a break down of what the world would look like if the 6 Billion people on the earth were reduced to a mere 100 people. I know when I hear random facts and figures I can't really grasp what such a big number is, like 6 billion. It's a big number yeah, but I've never seen or counted or done 6 billion of anything; but 100, yeah I've done a hundred of a lot of things-held the door for someone, hurt someones feelings, been ungrateful, put a smile on someones face. One hundred isn't such a big number and to put things in that perspective is scary!
It makes me wish people were just nicer. Hell, it makes me wish I was nicer. At least I can do one of those two things.
This secret we keep.
I was messing around with Google about a week ago and I happened to come across a reference to "Would you text your secret to a stranger?" I decided to search for that specifically and it ended up leading me to the MySpace of Frank Warren, the creator of post secret. While I was reading through his MySpace blog I was thinking about my dirty little secret-one that has been eating me up inside for years. (I'm not going to tell you what it is, because then it wouldn't really be a secret huh?) I started thinking about how freeing it would be to just tell a complete stranger.
So I told one, then two, and pretty soon I had texted about ten different people! I was absolutely intoxicated with getting this off my chest! It was great, some people sent back their own secret and others sent back words of encouragement.
But one person sent back, "wow."
Because of my own fear and stress of what people, especially my friends, would think of me if my secret got out that "wow" reaffirmed my belief that I never want to tell anyone other than a stranger my secret.
It's one thing to tell a stranger who doesn't know how big of a lie it is, but it's another to tell your family and friends because I am pretty sure it would not be something that anyone could just say "ok" to and move on. So I suppose it is going to stay my secret. Oh well.
So I told one, then two, and pretty soon I had texted about ten different people! I was absolutely intoxicated with getting this off my chest! It was great, some people sent back their own secret and others sent back words of encouragement.
But one person sent back, "wow."
Because of my own fear and stress of what people, especially my friends, would think of me if my secret got out that "wow" reaffirmed my belief that I never want to tell anyone other than a stranger my secret.
It's one thing to tell a stranger who doesn't know how big of a lie it is, but it's another to tell your family and friends because I am pretty sure it would not be something that anyone could just say "ok" to and move on. So I suppose it is going to stay my secret. Oh well.
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